Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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