Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize