Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
