she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
