we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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