I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
