i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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