Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
