Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
