I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No subtext here. People are naked.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
