Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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