your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
