I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
