i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
