forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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