omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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