Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
