he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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