i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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