I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
