You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
