the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
