why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
