Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
