I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
