The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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