i just snorted my name. best moment ever
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
