Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
