she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
