SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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