Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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