I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
