i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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