I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
