thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize