i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
