ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
