are you so shy because you have an std?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
