i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
