Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
