I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
