I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just high enough for therapy.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize