maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize