If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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