living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
