just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
