All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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