Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
