I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
