been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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