I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize