i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I would ride that face into the sunset
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
