good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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