Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
