Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
