i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
