Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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