I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
