I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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