Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
