she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
