woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
