haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize