I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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