Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
