i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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