And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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