he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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