We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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