i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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