in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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