i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
