Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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