apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
