Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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