So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
