I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
