so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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