so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
